...Absolutely Nothing!! Say it Again....

Okay so shit just got heavy tonight when I received the following e-mail from Green. It's a retaliation piece against Luis' "It Happens" post in which Luis had not only a word or two for Green but a couple left over for his family too.

Now unless you count the fact I always had an uncanny certainty that neither Milli nor Vanilli were actually singing in their onstage performances - I'm not psychic.
I however can forsee this verbal feud escalating with the kind of speed only before seen in the Anchorman news-team streetfight.
But before anyone has their arm lopped off or goes running around with a live grenade I ask both Luis and Green to take a moment and consider the words of philosopher/musician Edwin Starr:


Ooooh, war, huh. Good God y'all. What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing!
Say it again.


Heavy.


As always, Enjoy



From Ryan 'My Son' Green:



The Warning

* if you haven't read Luis' piece "It Happens" then I suggest you read it before reading this.



First and foremost I would like to say 'no offense' Luis. Apparently according to your piece I can say that, and anything I write aftewards can be excused. Secondly, making a huge deal out of growing a moustache is "the big joke". Realistically growing a three week old stache isn't going to thrust us into manhood***. So why knowing this, would you make fun of someone who is more or less poking fun at himself? tsk tsk. Apparently your sense of humor matches your mediocre ball hockey skills. I have to admit though, it is admirable that you would take the time out of your busy day of putting pizzas into ovens to look on the internet and regurgitate some hot lines about Chuck Norris that somebody else wrote in order to defend him.

OOOOHHHH! Burn job on me!

Because of you I now feel I have the responsibility to dispel some of the rumors about your mystical boyfriend. He is not invincible nor is he the glorious man you fantasize about when you're having sex with Abbas. There are three things that can send Chuck running in fear:

My step fathers partial goatee, your mothers full grown goatee and Kwai Chang Caine from Kung Fu the legend continues. Chuck Norris does not have a roundhouse kick hiding in his beard nor did he count to infinity twice. He's a 65 year old has been with a lackluster movie career. In fact this is what he looks like now...
















* note picture does not actually depict Chuck Norris

So someone tell Chuck and this pizza flipping Italian stereotype that I give more thorough tongue lashings than a dyke eating out her girlfriend. Causing a war with words only means you'll get burnt because the fire I spit burns hotter then your lust for Chuck, Luis. But one lesson can be learned from all this... I didn't type these insults, they just happened.


Greener aka Top Shotta, God MC





*** editors note: I fully disagree with this and expect to be twice the man I was prior to growing a moustache upon successfully achieving my goal. In fact in a way I have already become more of a man; since I have stopped shaving my penis has grown a full 1/2 inch. Honest.





****amendment to editors note: with regards to the claims I have made above - I just realized that the tip end of the ruler I use to measure my penis has been cleanly broken off and so my penis has not in fact grown, the broken ruler has simply created the illusion of such. I apologize to all those who were looking forward to similar results.

Maintenance

Today was spent maintaining the site and re-vamping it. I actually had huge problems last night and started a whole other site that I may or may not have use for in the future.

Anyways all is good again.

Consider this my day off, if there ever is such a thing for men like ourselves.

New posts tomorrow.

K-

Day 8

They let us know where they stood at Day One and now over a week deep into the struggle they have chimed in again to keep us up to speed with the good word.

The first piece from Mike S'ad has convinced me that he has not onlydecided to experiment with the art of moustache, but possibly also theart of LSD.
Chris Reynold's closes out this post with a piece that explains why he believes the sum of his body hair is truly the greatest rainbow nature has to offer.

As always, Enjoy.

From Mikey:

Well I know that I haven't been writing in "the mustache memories" all week, but there is good reason for it.
On Tuesday I ran into a ambiguously mustacheless giraffe, he tried to trade me his over grown lawn mower wheel and 2 baby anazorphic macaroon, I thought and contemplated, but I just told him, I was outta here.
Well since that extreme encounter I realized first I will never walk through bristol road on a sunday afternoon drinking gatorade on a trampoline.

No honestly I have been sick and when I'm sick my mustache doesn't grow!

- musteratta

"the rebel" musteratta

Feed your head.

From Chris Reynolds:

I almost have a fully mature goatee now and I have an announcement to make.
Most of you know Chris Reynolds as a clean shaven guy with dirty blonde hair, a crude sense
of humour with a German blockhead.
So here is the announcement… I HAVE RED FACIAL HAIR (and that I am not 100% German).
Some red headed bastard from Norway conquered Scotland about 1400 years ago, banged one of my Druid
Pagan Scottish ancestors and here we are in the year 2007 and Reynolds has facial hair that’s as red as the fires of hell.
To see how confusing my genealogy is look no further than my hair follicles:

I have dirty blonde hair on my head, black hair on stomach and chest, platinum blonde hair on my legs and now I have red facial hair.

My ancestors were raped and plundered by every conquering civilization throughout the history of Europe.
Considering we are going to a Viking themed hotel, I find it completely appropriate that I look like a crazy Viking right now.
You have heard of the famous Viking “Eric the Red”… I look like “Reynolds the Ginger Pussy Licker”.

Free Christopher Pagonis

First off, let me begin by saying that I'm apalled that in this day and age I have to be writing a post like this.
In a world where we are constantly trying to overcome prejudice and hatred there are sadly moments
that remind us that we have such a long way to go still.
It appears as though our brother Christopher Pagonis is facing persecution
at his workplace - a food service establishment that will remain unnamed for legal reasons - due to his
decision to grow a moustache.

Before I begin defending Christopher lets first take a moment to applaud him for standing firm and not
allowing corporate North America to define his masculinity.

The remainder of this post will be directed towards Joanne, Christopher's superior and the main voice of opposition against Christopher's quest for self.

Joanne:

Christopher has explained to me that you fail to understand the personal significance of his desire to grow
a moustache. This does not surprise me at all.
I'm sure you don't understand where Christopher is coming from and that's okay.
I would never expect you or any other woman to understand something that is pure, 100% man in nature.
In the same way I will never know what it is like to experience the miracle of childbirth or the cold sweats
and cramps of menstruation, you will never know what it is like to grow a thick, lush lip scarf.
Nature has blessed us with this fantastic possibility and our manly sensibilities and modern grooming
products have provided us the tools we need to turn this possibility into a dense follicular reality.
By asking Christopher to not have a moustache realize you are asking him to deny not only nature but also
his ability to exercise free will.

Is this really what you want to do? Take a proud man and try and reduce him to a prisoner?
Would you also have taken the paint brush and canvas away from Picasso?

Let a man be a man.

Let him revel in his nature.

By doing so you not only give him the gift of freedom, you also give the world a more complete person.
You help him on his path to being the best Christopher Pagonis he can be.

Why would you deprive a man of his freedom and the possibility of defining his own reality in order to
appease the stereotypical preconceptions of an ignorant and judgmental public?

I suppose if this was the old south you would also have Christopher sit at the back of the bus, your defence
being "its nothing against you, it just makes everyone else more comfortable".

This isn't about comfort. This is about a man's right.

I would be more comfortable having Jessica Alba feed me grapes while midgets gently wave feathers
against my bare ass for tickles.
Is this anything you should be concerned about while I'm dining at your retaurant?

Of course not.


Let me also take a moment to diffuse some of the pre-suppositions you may have regarding facial hair and
how it is perceived.
I understand that your main concern is "how will the dining public perceive Christopher if he is to have a
moustache"? As a member of the dining pubic, allow me to chime in with my opinion:

While I have never worked in food service I do eat a lot of food.
4 meals a day.
Sometimes 5, if we are counting breakfast cereals as a meal.
Anyways - I often frequent fine dining establishments as a way of expanding my culinary palette.

Allow me to intimidate you with a list of some of the places I have eaten:

The Omega
Le Barbizon
Oliver's
North 44
Rogues
JW's
The Boiler House
Sassafraz
La Castile

And on and on...

I can say that in many of these establishments I have not only seen but interacted with men sporting
moustaches. If If these fine establishments can be open minded enough to respect a man's right to choose
then I think you should be also.

Besides, how do you want your staff to look anyways?

Perhaps an army of smooth faced, WASP-y, pubescent Ryan Seacrest look a likes is what you would want
when it comes to wait staff.
In Management however you should want to see the face of someone in control. Someone you can simply
look at and say "that guy wears the daddy pants in this restaurant", and nothing says "who's your daddy?"
like a wild and untamed facebush.

Anyways...

Because this site is meant to be a celebration of the moustache I will not address the issue any further on this
blog. I do realize however that there may be questions issues and answers you still seek beyond the basic
commentary I have provided you with today and as such I am encouraging you to begin a dialogue with me regarding
anything moustache related.
Simply e-mail me: kris_narine@yahoo.ca
I will always reply promptly and - as is consistent with the tone of this piece in general - professionally.
I expect that you will make the right decision, the humane decision.

To end, I quote the moustached frenchman Jean Jaques Rousseau:
"Man was born free, and everywhere he is in chains"

Joanne I am asking you to help break these chains and dive head first with me into that crazy place we call
tomorrow.


K-

FREE CHRISTOPHER PAGONIS

Take A Picture

The following pics were sent to me today and because I maintain this site with the same determination that I use to maintain my facial hair they have been posted same day!

(waiting for everyone to be impressed.......waiting........and lets continue with the post...)

Okay, so I'm still waiting on pics from a few other people. Maybe they come in, maybe they don't.
In the meantime here are photos of Reynolds, Le Pig and a couple more of myself from today because I'm a conceited prick who will use this website to promote myself at any given opportunity.

For real though I wanted photographic evidence that for the first time in my life the hair on my face is longer than the hair on my head.
Well actually I have no hair on my head cause I shaved it today, but you get what I mean.

Enjoy.













Reynolds








Le Pig - possibly masturbating with his left hand while posing for this pic.









Birthday Boy

The 9th Circle of Hell

I wanted to make this post short and sweet by making reference to a classic piece of literature, The Divine Comedy by Dante. More specifically The Inferno.
Then I remembered that none of you read.
So I guess I'll have to explain the story real quick before making my point.

The Inferno is a story about a man's guided tour through hell and all he sees along the way. Hell is described as being a sort of narrowing tunnel composed of 9 descending circles (this is where the expression "the 9th circle of hell" comes from). The circles are arranged by degrees of punishment so that the worst sinners are found at the bottom in the 9th circle. They are the worst of the worst. The greatest sinners in history.
Among them one man is designated as being the greatest sinner of all time. His punishment is to sit in one of the devils mouths (the devil is a three headed beast) for all eternity.

So who is the greatest sinner in history you ask??

Judas Iscariot.

The 9th circle of hell is reserved for Judas and his kind - those who BETRAY.
According to the Inferno Betrayal is the worst of all sins and is punished accordingly.


That said, here is an e-mail I received from Ernest just the other day:

Dude

As Goose and many others can attest ... i had the stash going strong... SOOO STRONG! However... due to a careless barber ... i am again starting at zero.
I fell off the wagon and the shame i feel is unbearable i've let you and everyone else down


My Apologies, ED

It Happens.

While most men were brought to the brink of their testosterone impeded emotions by Ryan's Family Affair post it seems that there were also some who were not so moved.
The world of moustache is not exempt from the political implications we all face in day to day life.
One man's terrorist can often be another man's hero.
To use a couple played out cliches to help illustrate my point: "There are two sides to every coin" and "It's all about perspective".
Here Luis shares his reasoning for why he believes Ryan got it all wrong and reminds us all not to forget the true and more spontaneous nature of the moustache.


From Luis:

Who’s a man among men here?
What is this diary/journal/essay of a boy becoming a man bullshit? Greener, don’t take it personal but I’m sure you can post your Dr.Phil, emotion filled, poor excuse of crying out for still not having the stache you’re trying to grow feelings into another blog. Try http://colors-of-love.blogspot.com. This blog is for men. And just because the guys from The Village People GREW some serious staches – it didn’t make them men.

Let me explain:

First off, reading into the last diary entry, mentioned was Chuck Norris. Nobody’s goatee makes Chuck Norris run. In fact most of us can learn something from Mr. Norris’s facial hair. The man’s stache is so thick he hides in it a roundhouse kick to the chin for the next woman that tells him “its too prickly”. Now I don’t know if it’s because of a little too much K-OS on the radio but this “man I used to be” shit doesn’t cut it in this blog. You all have to understand MEN don’t grow a moustache. They don’t GROW a beard. Growing is something done in nurturing. In waiting patiently and kindling in the right setting.

A MANS beard HAPPENS.

For f*@# sakes man, it just happens. When you’re working 12hrs straight instead of some bitches 8, it happens. When you’re changing the oil yourself over the weekend, it happens. When you’re filleting a northern pike on shore for lunch using only your bare hands, it happens. And guess what? When you’re a man, it happens. Like money, man made the moustache. The moustache never made the man pussies. And that’s something even Chuck could be proud of.

Lui

A Family Affair

Today's fast paced world has us often moving in so many directions we can occasionally forget where we come from and who we really are. In the following email Ryan Green, an original member of the moustache brotherhood, shares a feel good story of how the process of growing his own moustache has brought him in touch with a long and rich tradition of moustache that extends throughout different generations of men in his family.
While the story may cause even the roughest of men to shed a tear it remains as manly as three-ply toilet paper, much like the scene in Braveheart where a dying Mel Gibson yells out "Freeeeeddddooooooommmmm".

Enjoy.

From Ryan Green:

Nature vs Nurture

Diary of a boy becoming a man.

I would like to start off by saying this was no easy decision. It would be an understatement to say that I had to put a lot of thought and soul searching into turning my boyish good looks into the face of a grown ass man. Letting go of my teenage past and embracing manhood was hard.

Now however I realize the days of baldness and receding hairlines is around the corner.
So to all the boys: let’s celebrate our mid 20's by looking forward and embracing our manliness by growing some fierce facial fur!

I'll admit that at first I was a skeptic; but now I applaud you K. Thanks.

My journey to making this transition started by taking a look inside myself. I had to find the confidence to take on such a task. I had to look deep into the boy and find the man within.
At first I wasn’t sure where to start.
Then I realized that the answer was staring me in the face.
I turned to my family and realized that I have inherited a lineage of extreme manliness.
Its amazing how this challenge has opened my eyes to this, but in my family I am surrounded by men of the stache. In this, the first of three weekly segments, I will show you proof of the manly gene that runs in my blood. And although my 1 week old stache is weak and inferior, I am confident that the best is yet to come.

The first pic is of me and my biological father who was unfortunately taken too young; but his legacy and the fruit of his masculine loins still lives on through the incarnation of heightened testosterone that is his offspring. The second pic is of my step father Rick, a true man. He rocks the partial goatee, a goatee so accurate and intimidating that it would send Chuck Norris himself running in fear. This man is an inspiration to our cause and has set the blueprint for what it takes to be a man of the stache. Lastly is a pic of my awesome uncles. This pic shows that you can age gracefully by looking good, yet bad ass at the same time.

I call this nature vs nurture because I feel that when my dad passed on his superior genes to me, Rick slammed dunked the alley-oop pass so to speak by reinforcing good grooming.

Behold.

I now believe this challenge has unleashed the beast. A pandora’s box of moustache whoop ass if you will. And although right now my moustache is feeble and underachieving, you can’t argue with genetics...the proof is in the pudding. I believe...I believe.

Your boy, Green (AKA Top Shotta, God MC)






Ryan with his biological father







Ryan's dad's moustache








Ryan and his Stepfather Rick







Rick's moustache








Ryan's Uncles

Ride The Magic Carpet

Feminists are known for not shaving their armpits, watching Oprah and creating the Lilith Fair Music Tour. They also frown upon anything manly - which means moustaches. In the following MSN conversation a feminist tries to convince me that growing a moustache will decrease my sexual appeal. Luckily being a man of higher education I am savvy to her bra-burning mind tricks and escape without being phased.

The following is a transcript of the actual MSN convo in question.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
i told you about what im doing for my birthday right?

jess says:
if you're pulling a graucho marx i'll never talk to you again

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
how did you know?

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
i told you didn’t I

jess says:
FUCK

jess says:
DON'T

jess says:
you did this last year or something

jess says:
i just guessed

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
no i tried to before. this year im succeeding. i have guys on board

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
im actually starting a blog right now based on the next three weeks

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
its called - FACEBUSH: the three weeks we decided to be men.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
i'll try and get my friends as well as myself to post on the process of growing a moustache, what it is teaching us about life and how its changed us as people

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
as well as grooming tips and what not.

jess says:
you fucking jerk

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
what?

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
how am i a jerk

jess says:
i don't understand how boys think this is funny or attractive or whatever

jess says:
andre is pulling this shit too

jess says:
he looks like a cop or a rapist

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
i did it first.

jess says:
you'll look

jess says:
i dont even know

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
perverted.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
the word you're lookign for is perverted.

jess says:
i believe that's what it's called actually, this sort of moustache.

jess says:
"the pervert"

jess says:
like when you go for a beard trim or a shave at a barber

jess says:
you ask for the Pervert

jess says:
and they know what you mean.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
its not about being perverted or even about style.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
its about being a man

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
if only for a short time in your life

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
to look back and know

jess says:
grow a goatee!

jess says:
or a beard even!

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
goatees are for pussies who listen to emo

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
beards are for washed up middle agers who still talk about the 60's

jess says:
my father grew a beard.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
my point exactly.

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
furthermore, im not taking it down to a moustache until my bday

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
for now i just have a beard

jess says:
oh my god

jess says:
you'll have a stache on your bloody birthday?

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
so. what the fuck are you trying to say?

jess says:
krissen narine

jess says:
you are more than handsome

jess says:
but it will all go to shit when you do this

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
yeah but jess, its not about handsome. its about sacrifice. its about knowing ones self. its about looking a woman dead in the eye and stroking your moustache while asking her "have you ever taken a ride on the magic carpet?"

jess says:
i just threw up all over my laptop

Dear Belichick/Brady: In your mouth. Sincerely, Peyton. says:
i bet it was a sexy throw up though. the kind you have when you've been so aroused your body just can't handle it.

***end of convo***


Final Score: Men - 1 Feminists - 0

The Racial Implications of Moustache.

If there's one thing the O.J. Simpson trial and Kanye West's "George Bush doesn't care about black people" rant has taught us, it is that race is an important factor in everything; be it a double homicide or hurricane relief effort.
As some of us are quickly finding out the world of moustache is no different...

From Ryan (My Son) Green:

All I have to say about growing this moustache is it sucks sweaty donkey scrotum. I'm not like some of you men of various Arabic nationalities and other nations of international descent who can grow a Tom Selleck stache the night before we go. God damn its hard to grow a stache! I have to admit that 99% of the time its pretty sweet to be a caker. Women flock to us, God pretty much only accepts us into heaven, and we make more money. But you've got me at my weakness...growing facial hair. God damn you Nanoon! Its coming back 10 fold. Green.

P.S. I love you.

The Intimidation Factor

As with all events involving real manly men, this moustache journey has assumed a competitive tone amongst all participants. The situation has quickly escalated from confirming everyones involvement to who will have the thickest and most manly stache. Is it a pissing contest then boys?....It seems so.

Here's some trash talking evidence...


From Ron Ansara January 23rd:


Just so you guys know what you're up against.

* Please note the man depicted above hails from arabic descent.

** This photo does not actually depict Ron as he appears presently.

Day One

From Christopher Reynolds on January 22nd:


Day 1) I have decided to take up Krissens challenge of growing facial hair. I have never attempted to grow facial hair unless it was due to a camping trip with the guys where I didn’t shave for five days, but this time I have a purpose. I am of the firm belief that no matter how sparse a mans facial hair is he should dedicate at least three weeks of his adult life in an attempt to grow facial hair. I usually shave every other day, so considering this is my shave day I consider this day one.

I have taken a photocopy of my passport and tried to draw an accurate moustache on it to see how I will look in 21 days. I always thought I didn’t have a moustache face, but to tell you the truth, it didn’t look bad. I tried to draw in the moustache where my hair actually grows, giving as accurate a picture as possible.

I am taking this challenge so seriously that I have actually recruited a moustache coach. There is this guy Min at my work that has very well groomed facial hair. When describing the look of Min I would say he looks very similar to a circus strongman from the 50's. He goes to the gym and is very big and has a shaved head with a very well manicured goatee. He will be giving me pointers on what tools to use such as combs and waxes. His advice will be well needed as I have no idea what I am doing right now.

I can personally take the ridicule from co workers and friends... my dad will definitely have a few zingers for me... but I will grin and bear it for the greater good of my moustache and a good laugh at a cougar bar.

Cheers, Christopher Reynolds


My moustache coach






















Circus Strongman











From Mike S'ad on January 22nd:

Day one,
Yesterday I laid a 3 week old beard to rest. I realized that the shear length of the hair above my top lip was impeding my performance in drinking and eating. As I tried to deal with this beastly characteristic my insecurities grew about it's thickness. Although I was more concerned with the snickering and biased first impressions of sleaziness which were gathering momentum from all corners it then struck me - such prejudice was the consequence of an over grown sleazy facade. Now you maybe asking yourself is he in or out?
Well now since I have experience the political segregation and assimilation that over grown facial hair may produce I have decided to join the revolution. I insist that the equality of men and sleaziness will be maintained, yet dichotomously we will protect ourselves from cynics and as men and women blossom a new infrastructure for continued hairiness. This discourse will be continued..... Moushi the invisible (Mike S'ad).

The Birth of the Blog.

The following email was sent out by me on January 22nd:


To All Moustache Men

I am starting a Blog that is going to be based on the crazy life changing experience we have all decided to embark on: growing a moustache.The Blog will be called "Facebush: The three weeks we decided to be men."My hope is that the blog will accurately capture the full experience ofwhat each of our lives were like during the time we decided to man up andsprout a crumb catcher.To do this properly I will need submissions from you guys. We are in thistogether and I want the website to reflect that fact.Growing a moustache isn't simply an aesthetic decision to be the mostawesome manly man you can be. Its also a deep personal project that changesthe way you view and interact with the world.Please send me emails throughout your experience so that I can post them onthe blog. Your emails can be about personal revelations, tips on grooming,suggestions for moustache growing, tiny quips about funny day to dayoccurences that center around your moustache......basically any andeverything that happens in your life that has to do with you having amoustache.I will give everyone the link to the blog once its setup (sometime latertoday) so that you can check in every so often to keep track of yourfriends progress and celebrate each and every one of our testosteronedriven journeys to manhood.I need your participation to make this special and to help this work soemail early and often. Thank you.K-

The Premise.

The following e-mail was sent out by me on January 18:






I know this is a long email. Please take a second to peel through it.I'm not one who usually celebrates their birthday ( February 9) but thisyear i've decided i need to change things up a bit.This year I will be celebrating my birthday at the Mermaid Nightclub/Loungelocated inside the Valhalla Inn.Like many of you I'm sick of the same old Lounge/Nightclub experience so Idecided to spice things up by picking this very special venue for agathering of close friends and hangers on.The Mermaid is what is commonly referred to in slang terminology as a"cougar" bar - possibly the most authentic one in the GTA.I know what you're thinking right now, you're thinking : "Man, I've been toCroc Rock on 9-1-1 night. I know what cougar action is all about"To this I say: No. No you don't.I personally checked out the Mermaid last week to get an idea of what itwould be like and friends let me tell you it was unlike anywhere I had everbeen. It was like someone took the nightclub from Carlito's Way put it inthe basement of a retro style viking themed hotel and timewarped back tothe 80's to grab my parents and all their friends (back when your parentshad friends) to join the party.It's a meat market in the truest sense, except what was once prime beef isnow just dried up jerky.It's a different scene than anywhere you've been and its fun as hell. Noone is posing, there is a refreshing lack of pretense and everyone there isthere to get down.Now to the most important part of this email message:Because we will be leaving the normal world we know and heading into astrange environment it is important to prepare ourselves for theterritories we plan to occupy. I am requiring all party goers to heed thestyle code I am about to lay forth:Athletes wear jerseys when they take the field.Armymen wear camouflage when they prepare for the jungle.For the Mermaid I ask that all men blend into the nights surroundings bygrowing a thick, lush moustache.Think: Burt Reynolds, Tom Sellick, Sam Elliot....While the idea I'm sure is difficult for some to accept you have tounderstand that it will make your night better and enhance the overallexperience for everyone. Believe me when I say if you don't grow amoustache you will not only feel excluded from the fun the Mermaid has tooffer but you will more than likely feel out of place.If you are worried about being the only person on board I can ease yourmind by boldly stating the following people have already committed to thecause:Testa, Nick, Mike, Reynolds, Choda, Matt, Ronnie, John, Green, Pagonis andmyself.These are names of people who have verbally committed and are already onboard. This email has been sent out so far in advance because I wanteveryone to participate and there is ample time to grow a fierce, manlyface bush.In addition to the moustache your clothing should also be tacky as hell. Iwill personally be hitting value village for some authentic 80's gear and Iencourage you all to do the same. If you are wearing a dress shirt it willbe required that it remain unbuttoned at least 3 buttons down with noundershirt. All accesories should be big and gold, especially chains andnecklaces. Shades are encouraged even though I realize it is a dimly litlounge - remember its never about substance, its about style. Polyester isalways a huge plus as is chest hair.Basically if it looks like something your dad would have worn whileexperiencing a mid-life crisis in the 1980's its a good idea to wear it.As for the ladies the same 80's cheese-theme applies. Since I know nothingabout women's fashion I have no suggestions but think: Flashdance, any 80'shigh school movie ie. The Breakfast Club, Madonna music videos.I don't want anything from any of you for my birthday other than you comeout and come correct by participating to the fullest. This should be a lotof fun for everyone and an incredibly sleazy night on the whole.Since I don't have the time or contact information to get this out toeveryone I would want to come I'm asking that you guys forward this e-mail,call people and do whatever you think is best to promote this to people whoyou think would want to come out for my birthday. As always the more themerrier and this should be an ultra cheap and local night so its alsoconvenient for most.Thanks for taking the time to read through this massive e-mail I wrotewhile bored at the cubicle.As always you can get a hold of me to ask questions. We'll be partying onFebruary 9th, the day of my bday.Drop me a line to let me know if you're coming and if you're bringinganyone so I can get an idea of the size of the party.KEEP IT SLEAZY.K-