Dealing with close to three weeks of raw, untamed growth my personal appearance sunk to an all time low as did my confidence. I am happy to report that I have dealt with this and at no point did I ever even for a second consider shaving.
To quote the Wu-Tang Clan (or was it Paris Hilton?) : "death before dishonour".
At my lowest I was considering hosting a facial hair support meeting open to all the brothers involved that might have been having similar troubles. It would've been a AA style affair although instead of introducing ourselves by announcing how many days we've been sober we'd instead announce how many days it has been since we last shaved.
"Hi, my name is Krissen and it's been 20 days since I've touched a razor...."
Since my low I am happy to report things have taken a huge turn for the better. I have overcome my social anxieties and no longer care about the opinon of others or fear judgment because of my facial hair. Unlike many who have chosen to maintain a presentable appearance by trimming and shaping their facial hair throughout this experience I have simply and completely let go and have done nothing at all to stop natures master plan.
Because of this my experience has been very Fight Club-esque. I am proud of myself and all of my fellow space monkeys. Although many won't believe me when I say this, I swear I am a more enlightened person today than I was before this experience began. Living with my beard is no longer something I judge in terms of good or bad, there are just days that are more strange and new than others.
Some of the stranger moments that have occurred over recent weeks:
- I used shampoo and conditioner on my face for the first time ever a few days ago. My beard was becoming hard to manage and a few of the longer hairs on my chin and cheek area were starting to develop split ends. I usedPantene shampoo and conditioner following the instructions to 'lather, rinse and repeat' and found that it greatly improved the quality of my facial hair. The hair on my face was much softer and more manageable and it was much easier to pass the mini-beard comb through even the most dense areas of growth. On top of this my beard maintained excellent volume and shine and on the whole seemed quite healthy.
- I woke up the other day and randomly found pornography next to where I was sleeping. I did not put it there myself, it was not there before I went to sleep and I am absolutely positive I never purchased it. I just woke upand it was there. Pornography.
More specifically - it was a copy of "Penthouse Variations", which if you're familiar with porn is the much more perverted version of the regular Penthouse magazine. It is full of stroke stories like "watching my wife with her young hot stud". Furthermore it is pocket sized for those who need porn on the go.
I have no idea how a copy of this magazine found its way into my house, yet alone my room. I can only assume that when you have a beard stuff like this just happens.
Found: One copy of Penthouse Variations.
- Recently I have been taking many breaks at work to go to the men's room to stare at my facial hair. I do this anywhere from 8 to 12 times a day for about 5 mins. a shot. If you do the math that's a full hour of my work day. While staring at my beard in the mirror I often stroke my face, check closeup for new sprouting hairs mixed in with the longer thicker veterans, use my hands to block off certain areas of my face helping me to visualize what I will look like with a moustache...but most of all - I have been practicing and perfecting 'looks'.
These are faces that I will make when I have my moustache to give me a rugged and perverted appearance. Today I was practicing my signature look when a co-worker walked in on me. It was very embarassing at first but then I realized that he was a pussy and continued to work on my look even though he could plainly see what I was doing.
My signature look:
My signature look combines the menacing lip curl of Billy Idol with the facial hair look of your average pervert. In its full glory staring at "the look" is much like fixing your gaze directly at the sun. I am actually convinced you can be blinded by its awesomeness. Whie "the look" is a powerful tool capable of turning on women of all ages and backgrounds it is especially potent when used against the cougar. In fact I would liken using "the look" on a cougar to lighting a match in an oilfield. The results can be just as deadly.
While I have not perfected "the look" yet myself (its a complex learning process), using advanced computer technology I have created a simulation of what "the look" will hopefully resemble come party night:
Anyways the countdown is on and there are only 4 more days left.
I want to send love and respect to all the brothers who are participating, but especially to those who have stood side by side with me since day 1.
Off the top of my head this means: Ryan, Nick, Ron, Eddie, Piggy, Goose, Reynolds, Mike, John Ginobs, Bill (I'm pretty sure), Merks and Angelo. I also know that Luis and Pagonis would've been there from day 1 had they had the proper notice. If I forgot to mention you here and you are a day 1 soldier I apologize, but remember that above all its not about having your name listed or getting credit or even having sex with a 40 something woman in the stall of the men's room at the Mermaid Lounge. Its about being as much of a man on the outside as you are on the inside and for that we all salute you.
K-
T-minus 4 and counting.
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